Ever try to tame a vampire? It's not actually the difficulty of the task that is so daunting. The problem is you find that you just don't want to do it.

I tried last year to write a "good" vampire: a nice guy who wanted to treat a girl right, and had managed for centuries to avoid killing humans for blood. If ever there were a vampire you could take home to mother, Anders was it. He was a whole lot sweeter and more considerate than anyone who's dated my daughters, that's for sure.

Problem was, the heroine of the story, Eliza, refused to let me leave him that way. She indicated to me in no uncertain terms that if you castrate a vampire of his lust for blood, you strip him of the very appeal he holds for women everywhere. Take away his dark side, and what really is the point?

I'm not making a case here for women to date and mate with men who are the mortal equivalents of vampires: selfish, egotistical users who care only about feeding their urges. But if we're talking fiction and fantasy, then give us our vampires in all their nasty glory.

And why is it that we love, want, even need vampires in our fantasies? Well, I say there are a couple of very significant psychological reasons: the spiritual one-two punch behind our adoration of Dracula, Lestat, and their ilk.

The first reason is rooted in the deepest differences between the sexes and the roles we play in mating. Call me non-PC if you want, but the majority of women experience sex as an act of surrender, and the majority of men experience it as aggression and even conquest. It's just the nature of the beast. There are, of course, exceptions--the Dominatrix is rare but does exist. However, for the most part women find submission to be strongly tied to arousal. Women have swooned for Valentino and for the Beatles. Belinda Carlisle sang, "I get weak when I look at you / weak when we touch." For two decades ladies have let the Phantom of the Opera sing them past the point of no return in Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical. The barbaric image of the caveman conking his beloved on the head and dragging her off is a gross exaggeration, but short of that, being conquered is a exhilarating fantasy for most women.

The vampire accomplishes this in the most thrilling way possible. He's usually preternaturally handsome, elegant and charming, the sort of guy who'd be perfectly attractive even without the lust for blood. He has hypnotic powers, the magical equivalent of supreme seduction skills. And best of all, he's so extremely alluring we don't even care about dying. "Better than death" is a pretty good sell when it comes to sex.

So, bottom line, falling for a vampire is like real life seduction on steroids. It's the same elements of ordinary sex distilled to their purest, headiest form. Few archetypes achieve this intensity better than the vampire.

The second factor at work here concerns our yearning for psychic balance by embracing our opposite; yes, that old "opposites attract" business. The role of women in society requires us to be accommodating, nurturant, selfless, considerate, supportive. The last thing the average woman gets to do is whatever she feels like. In the workplace she must often subjugate her wishes to accommodate the male egos in charge. At home she has a hundred duties that come before her own desires. Women are taught to be helpful and cooperative to the same extent that men are taught to be aggressive, competitive and successful.

The vampire, who does what he wants even if it means murder, has a lifestyle diametrically opposed to the typical female. And while none of us want to become such monsters, our subconscious minds are fascinated by their power, freedom, and intoxicating selfishness. The fantasy of surrendering to a vampire and joining him in an endless career of after-dark hedonism can have a certain appeal after a bad day at the office or tending cantankerous children.

My heroine, Eliza, is a lot like I am: a very cheerful, optimistic, almost perky sort, the last woman you would expect to go for a "bad boy." And indeed, in her attraction to the gentle, kindly Anders, she really doesn't. But just a little taste of his dark side is enough to trigger in her some irrepressible urges to unleash the vampire in all his dark, deadly glory.

Most of us have those urges, and by satisfying them in our romance and erotica, we avoid needing to take up with real life vampires. Meanwhile by doing so, we also achieve a fuller enjoyment of life and a better understanding of ourselves.

So next time you find yourself craving a little bite, don't be concerned. Life without vampires is like a day without...well, without darkness.

Diana Laurence is the author of the Soulful Sex anthologies published by Living Beyond Reality Press (www.livingbeyondreality.com). Visit her at www.dianalaurence.com, and read her blog at www.eroticawithsoul.blogspot.com. Download her free fiction from the LBR Press READ FREE Project at www.livingbeyondreality.com/readfree.html.