Surrender has been thrilling to me ever since I was a young girl. I’ve always loved movies and shows about hypnotists, psychics, vampires, anyone who had the ability to conquer another’s will. Even before puberty, when I watched a sinister hypnotist put a lovely heroine in a trance, I found it inexplicably thrilling. I read and wrote stories about vampires and those who controlled others via psychic power. None of this was overtly sexual, but underneath it all, it was all about sex.

Although not all women love the submissive role, nor do all men like to be dominant, these roles do tend to be hardwired into us. It’s as simple as this: In the mating process, the larger, more physically superior gender plays the part of aggressor because he can. The weaker party will cooperate happily only if she enjoys submission. So, fortunately, arousal in men generally increases aggression while arousal in women provokes surrender.

This is part of why once the guy gets the girl or vice versa, the story gets way less interesting. It’s the seduction that offers all the excitement: the process of achieving surrender. "Falling in love” for women like me is genuine falling—letting go, tumbling off into a state of abandonment. That dynamic of persuasion, whether it be fast and furious, or slow and suspenseful, is the thrilling part of a love story. It can be told in a thousand ways, but the key for a female reader is very often that the tale provokes personal surrender in her mind.

This dynamic can be taken to extremes with varying degrees of success. D/s stories, which involve bondage and violence elements, simply push the envelope of this theme. Surrender becomes more intense for some people when it is suggested that the pleasure an experience provides is so extreme it is actually worth pain or humiliation. Aggression applied to the nth degree, at least in fantasy if not in real life, can heighten the sexual experience.

The line that cannot be successfully crossed by well-adjusted folk, however, lies somewhere near the so-called "rape fantasy.” In rape, there is actually no surrender. The will of the victim remains desperately opposed to the act that is transpiring. And the "aggression” of the perpetrator contains no element of seduction or persuasion: he achieves his goal through sheer force or intimidation. So this scenario does not fit our fun erotic model at all. If you have had a successful "rape fantasy,” and I might say that I myself have, just consider precisely what happened in that imaginary scene: if the "rapist” actually succeeded in making you want him, it was not rape at all, but seduction. Toss in this category all the great archetypes like pirates, dapper criminals, enemy soldiers, etc.

It’s interesting to me also that the elements of aggression and surrender can even transcend gender. What I mean is, I have had quite a few very effective fantasies involving women, but they always serve as the aggressor: the seducer, the temptress. The thrill of the fantasy remains the submission: and my submission to a "forbidden” or exotic aggressor, a female, just gives that fantasy a special sort of intensity.

Why am I bothering to analyze all this? I guess because, in my mind, understanding the phenomenon only gives it more power. When a hot guy gives me a smile and my knees go weak, I can think, "I feel this way because my primordial brain is prepping me for sexual surrender.” And I can’t speak for you, but that thought is kind of a turn-on in and of itself. Knowing how this all works, I can brainstorm with myself and come up with some pretty effective fodder for fantasy. Sweet surrender, huh? Hmm…well, how about a sexy alien whisking me away on his space ship? Or a con artist whom I’ve exposed, trying to "convince” me not to turn him in? Or an enemy spy who has taken me hostage in his well-appointed hotel room?

The possibilities are endless. And I admit it, I’m addicted. I’m always looking for that next lovely fix of drifting away in powerless submission. Come to think of it, this may be a lot of the reason why I do this job….

Diana Laurence is the author of the Soulful Sex anthologies published by Living Beyond Reality Press (www.livingbeyondreality.com). Visit her at www.dianalaurence.com, and read her blog at www.eroticawithsoul.blogspot.com. Download her free fiction from the LBR Press READ FREE Project at www.livingbeyondreality.com/readfree.html.