I had the privilege this past month of speaking on the erotica panel at the Romantic Times Booklover's Convention in Daytona Beach. Needless to say, I was stunned to be surrounded by the likes of Jade Lee, Angela Night, Emma Holly and Cheyenne McCray. But I soon found that these stars of erotic romance fiction writing each shared a number of experiences and sentiments with me regarding our craft. For one thing, I was not the only one on the panel who told the audience, "I can't say those words out loud."

Occasionally people have suggested to me, "Why don't you do an audio book of one of your titles?" This doesn't seem that great an idea to me, because I suspect most readers would be as embarrassed to hear me read my books out loud as I would be to read them. It's just that the sexual realm is rather secret, or private, and most people find erotic fiction best enjoyed in a secret, private place in their imaginations. Apparently my fellow authors feel that way too.

Erotic romance is powerful stuff, and it's difficult to interact with it and not have some reactions that are a bit out of one's control. It works best to read the stuff in a private and secret place, if you know what I mean. Well, let me illustrate: An awful lot of people would never in a million years go to an X-rated movie in a theater, and not just because those kinds of "theaters" are skanky, scary and embarrassing. But a certain percentage of those people will rent such a movie for viewing at home, and an even greater percentage will check out a photo or film clip online. Just so, it's one thing to read erotic romance in the dark on your iPaq, and quite another to listen to it read out loud in your car!

Yes, I'd feel a bit strange reading my books out loud, tastefully written though my sex scenes may be. The closest I've gotten to that is going over certain passages with my editor on the phone, which was slightly uncomfortable even though we were dealing with the prose as a gynecologist deals with the reproductive system. But the interesting thing is that I have no problem at all writing the stuff.

My four compatriots on the erotica panel are all normal-looking, wholesome type women, and yet all of us are perfectly happy to type some mighty explicit words and describe some extremely intense and exotic sexual scenarios. But you see, when we do that, we are absolutely and completely alone, as alone as you are when you do those private things you never tell a soul about. I suppose I can't speak for all authors of erotica, but when I write I am certainly not thinking about all the strangers (and certainly not the friends, coworkers and family members) who will eventually read the passage. It's just me all by myself, as private and secret as can be. It really has to be that way, because I can't even say those words out loud!

But erotic romance writers have learned to find that place, and be liberated to write down absolutely whatever comes to mind. When our emotions and lust get out of hand, we record that, unbridled. We have to be as exhibitionistic as the most brazen stripper, as freely seductive as the highest paid prostitute, as pleasure-driven as the user of the perfect aphrodisiac. The editing will follow later, but the initial prose has to come from heart and loins, unadulterated (pardon the pun).

It's funny for me to look back over the history of my own erotica writing. I wrote my first passages of sex prose when I was only thirteen, just passing through puberty and discovering for the first time that the idea of intercourse wasn't so repulsive anymore (as long as it involved the certain boy I was crushing on at the time). I wrote these paragraphs in my diary, which I kept locked and hidden, for I would die a thousand deaths if anyone should ever read them. I supplemented those passages in my diary page throughout my teens, and read them over and over.

In my twenties I wrote short erotic fiction pieces in tiny print on small sheets of paper, and hid them away in an invisible pocket in the side of my sewing basket. Interesting hobby for a minister's wife, no? It wasn't until my late thirties that I began writing longer, better edited stuff (on an actual word processor!), and then eventually shared some of it with a couple of close female friends. Posting online my first real short erotic romance (a Star Wars fan fiction piece) was the next logical step, and by the time I did so, it didn't seem that strange. After all, the internet seems pretty much a secret, private place in spite of its huge population.

And now I am capable of letting my own family members read my stuff, of talking about my erotic romance career with my associates at work, of appearing in public wearing my "Diana Laurence Romance Fiction - Erotica with Soul" shirt and talking to crowds about what I do.

But I still can't say those words out loud. Interesting, isn't it?

Diana Laurence is the author of the Soulful Sex anthologies published by Living Beyond Reality Press (www.livingbeyondreality.com). Visit her at www.dianalaurence.com, and read her blog at www.eroticawithsoul.blogspot.com. Download her free fiction from the LBR Press READ FREE Project at www.livingbeyondreality.com/readfree.html.