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I don’t know who first said this, but they sure spoke the truth when they said writing is a very lonely occupation. Without family, friends, and fellow writers to support me by helping me through the bad times, and applauding the good, I would probably never have made it this far. I would have given up years ago.

I know some people prefer to work alone, without the help of support or critique groups. They don’t belong to writer’s organizations and they don’t attend conferences, or anything else writer-related, yet somehow they manage to get their work published and continue on from one success to the next with no trouble at all. Frankly, these people amaze me. I know I couldn’t work in a vacuum like that. I need the support of those around me, even if it’s only to give my ego a boost once in a while, or to say “there, there” when I get a bad review.

Even the famous writers from history such as Charles Dickens and Emile Zola met with their friends and colleagues in the coffee houses and cafes to discuss their work. Back in the 1930’s, Dorothy Parker (oddly enough that was also my biological mother’s name) met with her fellow writers at the legendary round table at the Algonquin Hotel in New York. And I know Mary Higgins Clark has had her own small writing group for most of her writing life.

I don’t belong to as many “live” groups as I once did, and I don’t attend as many conferences, or seminars either. But I really don’t feel the need to dress up and go rushing off hither and yon once a week, once a month, or whenever. I belong to more chat groups than I can really handle, and I follow several different blogs. And while I’m mostly a lurker, I pick up a great deal of really helpful information by scanning each digest as it comes in and reading those posts that catch my eye. Whenever I have a question regarding some aspect of writing, there’s always someone out there who can come up with an answer. If it’s a story-related problem, I can ask either my editor or one of my fellow authors at Amber Quill Press for help. At the moment, we’re sharing info on pod casting--something I want to do, and I will if I ever find the time.

When it comes to support, my husband is and has always been my greatest supporter. He always carries a few my business cards in his billfold and gives them out to anyone who’ll listen to him talk about my writing. We’ve been together for a lot of years and, to quote another song title, he truly is The Wind Beneath My Wings.

After helping to create and establish the Toronto Chapter of RWA, some of us felt it had grown too big to give us what we really wanted and that was one-on-one help with our individual stories. And so, at the end of the 1980’s, we created another chapter which was essentially a critique group. Out of the first 10-12 members only one was published, but the rest of us had the goal of publication firmly fixed in our minds. Over the next fifteen plus years, we met once a month and critiqued one another’s work, and gradually more and more of us became published.

During those years, members joined and members left, but gradually the dynamics of the group changed and so did the needs of its members and in the end, at least for me, it completely lost its original focus. I received a great deal of invaluable help and advice from that group over the years, but nothing stays the same. Not everyone had publication as their goal, some were in the “I’ll write when I’m ready” mode, others just showed up but never wrote anything, and some of the members who merely came and went had, presumably, just been looking for applause. But as the members’ needs and goals changed direction, the cracks began widening until eventually the inevitable happened and the group finally whimpered and died. For the last year or two, I knew it was holding me back rather than helping me move forward, but it’s not easy to say to people who you’ve known all those years and who’ve become your friends, “Hey guys, this is no longer working.” I certainly tried, but when you have a bunch of strong-minded people, all determined to have their own way, you’re fighting a battle you can’t win.

It finally reached the point where some of those meetings were so stressful, so counter-productive, I couldn’t write for weeks after. The meetings were always held in my home, so it didn’t help when the break finally came, and one of the members said to me, “You must feel terribly betrayed. But those people were never your friends.”

In retrospect, with one or two exceptions, I realize now she was right. But to be honest, when it all blew up, I was more relieved than sorry. In the time since then, I’ve written way more books than I ever did before. I’ve relaxed. I’ve stopped worrying about what other people (apart from my editors) say, and just go with my gut.

I guess what it comes down to with critique groups, as with all self-help groups, there are the obvious benefits of the actual critiques, nut there are also a number of disadvantages that aren’t so readily seen. Some say never join a group with more than four members, others say don’t join one with an odd number such as three or five. We had 9 which was really too many. If you’re just looking for praise and applause it’s definitely not the place for you. The same applies if you can’t take criticism in any form--be warned about this because some people use the slash and burn approach not caring who they hurt and it can leave very bad scars.

But for anyone who is planning on joining a critique group, I offer these words of caution: First, ask if you can sit in on a critiquing session to find out if you feel comfortable before you commit. Second, watch out for people who shout everyone else’s comments down in favor of their own, or situations where one member knows it all and takes control. Such as the time a member of my group sounded surprised and also, I thought, a little offended after hearing another member had sold something without it having been critiqued first.

Above all, don’t take what people say about your writing too seriously. As writers, one of the most important things we need to learn is that our work is never as good as we think it is, or as bad as some critique partners would have us believe, Wait a day or two, reread the comments, and then decide, as honestly as you can, if they were warranted or not, and then forget your ego and go with your gut. If more than one person comes up with the same comment, and you know for sure they’re not parroting one other, take it seriously. But above all, remember it’s your story and what goes into it is up to you.

Another couple of things to watch out for: Don’t rely too heavily on the advice and comments of your critique group, meaning you don’t need their approval every step of the way. And beware of those who want to turn you into a clone of themselves by insisting you should write the way they do, set your stories in their preferred locations, and even change words to ones they like better. Every writer has his/her own voice or style, and if you’re not careful, these people will try to replace your style with theirs.

I seem to have wandered a little off track here, but support is an important part of a writer’s life. And so is outside input on your work until either you’re published and have editors to do that, or you’ve learned to stand on your own two feet.

Tomorrow I’ll be back to tell you about my first published book and what happened after that.

Chris/Christiane