The Kudos: I haven't completely read any of the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling, but my kids have just recently caught the Harry bug. From the skimming I've done of these books the narrative appears well-written and I haven't come across anything I'd be afraid for them to encounter in fiction at this stage of their lives. There are few things in this world I take as much satisfaction in as seeing my children reading a book. So, I will be very happy if my children end up so thoroughly enjoying these novels that once they are adults that they will think back on Harry, his friends and adventures as a part of their individual Neverending Story memories.

The News:
Universal Studios and Warner Bros. recently confirmed the opening of "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter," a Harry Potter theme park at Universal Orlando Resort is planned to open in late 2009 or early 2010. The park will be located at Universal's Islands of Adventures theme park. At the time, officials added that "the fully immersive, themed land will enable guests to visit some of the most iconic locations found in the books and the films, including the village of Hogsmeade, the mysterious Forbidden Forest, and even Hogwarts castle itself."

The final cost of the theme park is estimated at $265 million.

My “Having a Pepto Bismol moment” reaction:

I enjoy seeing good film adaptations of my favorite stories and books. And no doubts about it, the Harry Potter movies are fun for the fans. However, film and stage adaptations are about as far in marketing that literary characters can be taken before the practice starts to get tacky. I am disappointed to know the J.K. Rowling characters are going to be showcased in the arena of a theme park. It’s not quite the same as with the proposed “The Simpsons” theme park. For one, “The Simpsons” is a cartoon, and two, it is a cartoon that has known some of its best moments ridiculing a society that wallows in tackiness. Not that I want to visit a Simpsons theme park any more than a Wizarding World; but there is an irony to the Simpsons’ project, a certain “If the fools are dumb enough to want it, we’ll give it to them” mentality. This kind of pimping of Bart and Homer on the part of their creators just doesn’t quite trouble me as if say it were the author fathers of Jim Hawkins, Huckleberry Finn or Oliver Twist.

And poor Harry Potter! He has become more successful as a franchise than ever he was as the hero of a children’s book. One cannot go into the mall without being bombarded with images of the Hogswart world: from Harry Potter lunchboxes, snow globes, action figures, and coloring books for the kids, to the more “sophisticated” adult merchandise like jewelry, candle holders, book ends and dinner plates. There’s even a Tri-Wizard Cup with pewter base and real frosted glass “grail” where the light bulb goes. I guess all these trite items just aren’t enough to please those who turn a profit on Harry’s name, though. Now there’s going to be a theme park; located, of course, in the U.S.A., and just as significantly, in Orlando. And while the investors and planners will spout that this park will bring jobs to thousands, the end goal is financial gain for them. The backers are putting the bucks behind this project because the dollar signs are dancing before their eyes. In other countries this commercial venture would never get off the ground. In these other places, where good taste and the landscape and are more respected, people are a lot less likely to spend hours in a line for a three minute carny-type ride or to get photographed with some dude in a Mickey Mouse costume. Theme parks are an American passion, and the general excuse we give for continuing to put these places up is that it’s good for the economy. It’s purely an American validation, “Build it and they will come”- if its there to buy the consumers will surely seek it out. Of course, in reality, this philosophy applies just as easily to crack houses as theme parks.

American parents love to think we have our children’s best interests at heart. Consequentially, anecdotes of censorship and book burning blot our history. Even to this day some parent groups would rather have Katherine Paterson’s “Bridge to Terabithia” banned from school libraries than give their kids a chance to ponder death in the contained forum of fiction which it is. On the other hand, this cultural mindset has been used to justify the exploitation of the works of “Dr. Seuss” since his passing. Sure, we’ll read Dr. Seuss books to our little ones; but do we care what this author was telling us? Do his poignant commentaries about greed, shallowness or exploiting the environment mean a damn thing to us? Or are we more likely to laugh at the antics of Jim Carrey in “The Grinch” and buy up the toys, games and videos because an insipid movie isn’t likely to provoke our children’s intellects or ethics?

I fear America will continue to PC-up classics like “Little Red Riding Hood” under the name of protecting the children. As a culture we have no compunction about Hollywood reinventing the Grimm Brothers tales if these reinventions can be used to sell pabulum like “Shrek”. For in the campaign to whitewash literature we have successfully shown the hypocrisy of our ways: the written word is nothing if it isn’t technically slick and commercially profitable.

But I’m fed up with it all. I won’t help some conglomerate-run theme park architects to impart on my kids’ brains what Hogswart is supposed to look like, or what ambience the Forbidden Forest puts out, or even how that old Dumbledore person smells. I want my kids content with the sights and sounds and smells of the Rowling fantasy world processed by their own imagination. I will let them read the books, but no, I won’t take them to the damned theme park. Rowling may be the most financially successful writer of all times, but she seems to have forgotten one important truth: the realm of literary fantasy offers a childhood luxury that no theme park ever can –the infinite world of the imagination.

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THE PLEAD TO ROWLING SONG
To be sung to the tune of “Jolene” by Dolly Parton*

Rowling, Rowling, Rowling, Rowling
I’m begging of you don’t spoon-feed fans
Rowling, Rowling, Rowling, Rowling
Please don’t build it just because you can.
With consumer sales beyond compare
from Happy Meals with tasteless fare,
Snape action-figures and even Slytherin,
there’s Muggle soap and Nintendo games;
your success is just like Midas’ Touch,
my fame cannot compete with yours, Rowling.

My kids like Harry an awful lot,
they memorize all the plots
and wait anxiously to turn the pages, Rowling.

And I can easily understand
how a film adaptation pleases the fan;
but a writer knows what the word “sell-out” means.

Rowling, Rowling, Rowling, Rowling,
The self-respecting choice is clear,
Rowling, Rowling, Rowling, Rowling
Please forget Florida and the profiteers.

Don’t make Hogwarts a big eyesore;
Leave it intact to literary lore
Part of the Neverending Story, Rowling.

A theme park might make a lot,
But Disney’s reputation went to pot-
Why trivialize poor Ron and Hermione?

Rowling, Rowling, Rowling, Rowling
I’m begging you don’t spoon-feed fans
Rowling, Rowling, Rowling, Rowling,
Please don’t build it just because you can.
Rowling, Rowling..

* Dolly Parton, by the way, owns and operates a theme park very close to where I live. Called "Dollywood", it is what I'd call one of the few enjoyable parks; themed on local tradition and music instead of being a vehicle just to promote herself. You're a gem in my book, Dolly.

©August, 2007 by Desiree Erotique

Desiree Erotique is a writer of adult fiction. Readers are invited to visit her website at
http://www.romanticsurrender.com