This week I once again heard from a writer who had been reproached for what a reviewer deemed a faux pas in the world of sensual fantasy fiction. The writer’s offense? Omission of safe-sex during the lovemaking scenes. Now, while I know most buyers of adult literature would rather forget the real world while reading and just be allowed to enjoy juicy love scenes for what they are, some reviewers just can’t separate the fiction from the reality. With these socially conscientious folks the issues of real life MUST be addressed in the work of fiction; fictional heroes and heroines simply cannot have sex without putting on the rain coat first. For these reviewers, anything less is just unconscionable.

As a writer I’ve yet to be censured for the exclusion of THE CONDOM in a sex scene. Don’t get me wrong - I’m sure my day is coming. Of course, pressed against the wall I’m sure I could work up some socially responsible sermon -cough, cough, I mean HINTS- about safe-sex into my future writings. I’ve already come up with a couple of possible scenarios:

Pre-Dialog for the first love scene in a Romance:
Joe Heartthrob: “Although I love you, my virgin bride, and plan to devote the rest of my days without even thinking of being with another woman, I must insist we use a condom. Now please don’t take this as any indication that I’ve stretched the truth about my former bachelor habits. I just find it a real turn to do it with a sheet of latex between me and a woman’s pussy.”

Captain Steve right before the big orgy scene with the maidens from planet, Bigbusta: “Yes, our data and scanners may report no venereal disease whatsoever in Bigbusta’s long 7 million year history.. it’s just that I don’t trust whoever overhauled your circuits last, First Mate Hologram.”

Wow, when you stop and think about it, why there’s a world of social concerns being overlooked in fantasy fiction. All kinds of stuff the perceptive writer could comment on and come out smelling really fashionably civic. (Hmm, someone needs to rattle up the reviewers – pretty lax here to let a mere writer think of them first!) Here’s some samples of social situations that could be pounced on -ahem, I mean CHAMPIONED- via the fictional work:

Animal Rights consideration for a whips-n-sadism story:
“You do look mighty fetching in that boa, Mistress Ann, but before you pull out the cat-o-nine-tails, show me the Imitation Fur guarantee on the label.”

Important message found in a hot western scenario:
School Marm Sara to Wanted Man, Pete:
“You have my everlasting gratitude, sir! You not only rescued my family farm but saved the townspeople from dastardly O’Toole and his band of escaped felons! And all this with only your brave and compelling speech about the dangers of handguns!”

A highly profiled national epidemic addressed in a BBW (big, beautiful women) story:
Derek, lovingly, during the after-sex cuddle, “You know, Traci, I love you just as you are.. but I hear Dr. Phil has opened applications for another Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge.”

Smoking taken up in a Crime Thriller:
Naked and carnally sated Special Agent Ericka to Luigi “Neptune’s Rod” De Luca:
“Hey buster- light that cancer stick and you can rest assured there’ll be no omission in my report about your accidental garroting of that witness!”

On the dangers of items "misplaced" in lands of political hostilities:
Journalist Tom to beautiful local maiden, “Hmm, why don’t we just do it in my jeep? Pretty sure this is the field where my camera man lost a leg last year.”

The topic of Sanitary sex broached via a sexy werewolf-Shifter tale:
“I know you’re a virgin, Lupine, but we’re just going to have to wait until after you’ve been de-wormed and had that distemper shot.”

Urban violence discussed just before Countess Sylvia and “Capt. Stan” kiss in a sizzling Pirate tale:
“Captain, it is amazing how well your crew has risen above the patterns of violence imparted by your childhood experiences. Nothing makes me hotter than
a man who can overcome an entire fleet of corrupt naval officers with a Tightest Buns of the Sea Contest instead of relying on swords, pistols, knives and other weapons with potentially fatal consequences!”

Civic responsibility championed by a Chicklit heroine:
“Sorry, stud, dinner was great and I’ll keep the Prada’s, but I just won’t bone any guy with such a pathetic lack of conscience. Illegal cable hook-up is a crime, you know!”

Even while George masturbated the bound and self-asphyxiated David neither forgot their environmentalist objectives:
“Way to go, dude! This rope is pure hemp and the entire scaffold is made with 100% solvent-based man-made particle fibers!”

Healthy habits observed in an Obsessive-Love crime story:
“Helen, I’m so happy you selected sugar-free whipped cream before kidnapping me and cuffing me naked to the bed post. The potential dangers of refined sugar include tooth decay, allergies, hypertension and obesity. Health officials also report that refined sugar can promote an elevation of harmful cholesterol.”

Eh, who am I kidding? The closest I’ll ever get to writing socially prudent commentary will probably read something like this:

Wanda closed her bedroom door and listened happily to the golden silence that had fallen over the household. It had been a long but spiritually enlightening day. She undressed and turned down the covers of her bed. At last Wanda removed the book from her drawer where she always kept it - hidden under a worn but very much avoided copy of Old Man and the Sea. Lying down on her satin sheets she opened the pages. The erotic passages filled her with heated visions and roused her tired body with sensation. But she smiled, savoring the peace she’d sought for so long. Yes, this day Wanda had finally realized that the words she read in the privacy of her room posed no ethical danger. They were not the educators or monitors of her teenage children; that was her job. Literary realms -wondrous, beautiful and yes, sometimes even frightful- did not hold the power to seep out of her brain and influence the impressionable young. This was fiction, to be enjoyed for what it was and nothing else. Wanda was Queen of her domain and at long last, a very, very happy Queen at that.

–The End

The conscientious reviewers might freak, but bet the American Psychiatric Association would have no problem with it.

©April 2007 by Desiree Erotique

Desiree is a writer of erotica, paranormal and bdsm romance. You can visit her website
at www.romanticsurrender.com/